Hello! Some days ago, I wrote in an 'Introduce yourself' post about a fanfic that I'm writing, and here it's me again.
Well, I am writing a HUGE fanfic about Suikoden, and as I'm having a lot of fun with it, I thought maybe it could be interesting to show it someone. But, being the first thing I ever wrote, I'm not much confident about its quality, and specially of the translation to the english that I'm doing. So, I don't have it published anywhere in the internet, even if I'm thinking on create a blog to put these texts. I hope anyone can help me on this decision.
It is a story that would be a sequence to the series, happening 5 years after Suikoden 3. But I'm not using the name 'Suikoden 6', or anything like that, to avoid conflicts with any similar work, and if Konami decides to (hope!) make a new game, my fanfic will not be so strange. So, I'm calling it only "The Tale of the Provinces".
The story follows the main themes of Suikoden, and inside these lines, I varied each motif, playing with the elements of the games. There is a boy who carry a True Rune, tyrants ruling a country, rebels fighting for freedom, a castle in ruins next to the water, and, of course, 108 outlaws who gather to form an army and defeat the tyrant. The catch is 'how' it happens, and not 'what' happens.
The characters, most of them new, remember a lot the existing ones; a silent leader, a soldier dressed in red and his pal in blue, librarians, mountain bandits, blacksmiths, launderers, a Chinchirorin player... At each chapter, a new element is introduced, worked, and becomes common from there on. As an example, on the first chapter, the center is a fight groupXgroup, with x soldiers against x heroes. In the second, weapons and blacksmiths, in the third monsters, in fourth scrolls, in fifth duels, in sixth elemental runes, on seventh dungeons, and so on. On the end, I will have army fights, dragon knights, kobolds, wingeds, elves..
All that trying to take the Suikoden 'touch' to a text: ALL the fights happen in turns, and I try to make it believable, with one reason each time. The number of items which can be carried is discussed by the characters, as is the limits of use of each rune. I described the inscription process of a rune in the hand of a character, and so on.
The story itself is not that complicated, to say the truth. I tried to focus more on the heroes personalities and in character development than in the plot itself. However, from the half of my idea to the end, things become much more convoluted...
About the setting: my story happens on a region just south of the Badlands, mentioned in S1 and S2. That is, west of Toran, south of Dunan, southeast of Tinto and northeast of Kooluk. I created in this space a new country, or better, five micro-nations: Rosevear, Cartidan, Talpride, Torchiara and Austrano. These micro-nations are always in conflict (some times politic, others armed). Since they are not completely recognized as independent nations, these regions are wrongly called 'provinces' by the people, explaining the name of the story. The region also have some rivers, small forests (one of them shelter a elf city, Oberon), two mountain ranges (boundary with Toran), a large coast, access to Black Dragon Island and, notably, a big desert, the deadly Nahayl, which has a great importance on the story.
Another interesting treat is the castle next to the water, which will be built over the ruins of a Sindar castle. Wait for a lot of secret entrances...
The enemy will be Kooluk (S4), or better, New Kooluk, an army that was raised over the shambles of the former Kooluk Empire. New Kooluk decides to annex the land to his territory, and even if able to dominate Austrano, they fail on the others. But then arrive Harmonia, which give complete support to New Kooluk, by unknown reasons...
About the heroes: the Tenkai Star is Ardan, a orphan boy who lives in the streets of Cartidan, stealing to survive. He is almost captured after a steal, but is rescued by Gerrick (Tenbou Star), a big and mysterious man from Rosevear. He works as a janitor in the Silverbird Orphanage, to where he takes Ardan, and where he grows up.
After the events of the chapter 1, Ardan begin to train martial arts (chapter 2). When he is 14 years old, arrives Gavenia (Ten'yuu Star), from Toran, who needs to get to south. Ardan decides to help (chapter 3), and in the way (chapters 4 to 6) he meets nine Stars of Destiny, remarkably Cecília (Tenman Star), a 15 years old girl who lives in the south and is lost. After the events of chapter 7, they go to her home, but Kooluk decides to attack, and they are caught in the middle of the war. They run away, going city to city, searching for shelter. And then, in the middle of a forest, they meet a blind seer, Leknaat, who foresees a clear future for Ardan and a stormy one for Cecília...
And that's it! From that on, the story becomes much more convoluted, but I had not written yet, only drafted it.
I wrote and translated a prologue to the story. You can read it on this link => https://www.dropbox.com/s/73fgpqsh65bd2nr/000-Prologue.pdf?dl=0 (PDF, link to dropbox), and I would love to receive criticism. The prologue don't have any elements of Suikoden, but it is on purpose. It is a prologue after all, right? But that is the style of the work. This text is on an acceptable quality? It's good enough so I can put it on a blog without (much) shame? Or I should hide under my bed and never post anything on the Internet again? Obviously, I don't expect detailed ratings, or anything like that, I only want an opinion on a native english speaker, to know if I should insist on this or learn more before proceeding. I wait for answers!
PS1: Oh, and of course, I had read the posting rules, including about advertising and external sites, and it's not my intent to break it! I only thought that, if I'm having fun writing it, someone could have fun reading it, and thought that this could be a good place to show it. And about Wolkendrache's worry about all my posts being advertisings of external works, I read practically everything which is posted here, but rarely I have any interesting thing to add, so I stay silent! But I will try to overcome my shyness and to participate in other topics too!
PS2: And I promise to write less next post, if I ever write one!