Suikoden jokes

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sticky-runes
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Re: Suikoden jokes

Postby sticky-runes » Sat Sep 06, 2014 3:38 pm

So, thanks to Viki's meddling with time and space, Jillia Blight, Flare En Kuldes and Arshtat Falenas have all ended up in the same room together. They get chatting about their experiences in court life and the conversation turns to regrettable things they have done when they were drunk.
“It was the night before my wedding” says Jillia. “I drank too much wine, staggered up to my chambers and blew Chunks. The next day I felt like death. I nearly forgot my vows.”
“Oh, that's nothing” says Flare. “you know that puppet show the Islanders put on about me fighting off an evil pirate? Well, the truth is, my father had bought me a new ship for my 16th birthday, and I got so drunk that I ordered my crew to ram us straight into the pirates. I then started shooting arrows and insulting them, and their captain was so mortified by my foul language that he swore never to sale anywhere near Obel again.”
Arshtat laughs and says “That's impressive! But I think I top both of you. One time, I was so drunk, I got into a big argument with my husband and sister, and I ended up unleashing the Sun Rune and dried up an entire lake in an instant. A big chunk of the country was reduced to barren wasteland, and a load of my subjects had to go for weeks without any water to drink or bathe in. My son went on a visit there and told me the smell was absolutely horrendous.”
The three women sit quietly for a moment, and then Jillia says “I don't think you ladies understand - Chunks was the name of my dog.”

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AlOnZo
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Re: Suikoden jokes

Postby AlOnZo » Wed Sep 17, 2014 10:54 am

Sigfried walks into Leona's tavern, and she asks "Why the long face?"

:roll:

suiko2fan2
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Re: Suikoden jokes

Postby suiko2fan2 » Sat Sep 27, 2014 8:40 pm

This one was great: "Georg Prime once held the Rune of Punishment. Every time he cast a spell, the Rune took damage."

Here my top 10 George Prime Facts
1. Children of Toto and Ryube look in their closets for Luca Blight, while Luca looks in his closet for Deathblow George.

2. George Prime likes his cheesecake with real cheese and barbwire

3.The Sindar are constantly traveling from place to another because they're running from George Prime.

4. George Prime is so intimidating he can even make Estella tell the Truth.

5. The Island Nations use to be 1 single island, but then George got his sword sharpened to level 16 and started practicing his new sword technique.

6. George once broke the burning mirror just by staring directly into it.

7. Brass castle use to called Titanium Castle, until one day the guards wouldn't let George through into Zexen..he drew his sword. Since then, he has had free passage going in and out of the country whenever he wants.

8. Hikusaak wants to beat George Prime in a 'fair' fight, so he's been trying to gather all of the 27 True Runes for himself, so maybe the Harmonia Ruler may stand a chance.

9. Darkness shed a tear (sword and shield) because George Prime slashed her with his sword.

10. Leknaat is called the "Executor of Balance" and this means she has George Prime on one side and everyone else on the other side
I will establish one mighty nation in this land... a single, powerful nation, born of force and wielding force... that's the one and only way of freeing this land from war.

Unleashing True Runes
https://youtu.be/Q7Ry1WmNMNg

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BrucePrintscreen
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Re: Suikoden jokes

Postby BrucePrintscreen » Sat Sep 27, 2014 10:23 pm

What's the difference between Jowy Atreides and a tire?

When you put chains on a tire, it doesn't yell "I haven't betrayed this country, this country has betrayed me, I won't forgive this!!!"

Wolkendrache
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Re: Suikoden jokes

Postby Wolkendrache » Sun Sep 28, 2014 4:00 am

Murad told Gavaya to visit Silva for a routine checkup.
Silva: “Well, you should stop masturbating.”
Gavaya: “Really? Why?”
Silva: “Otherwise I can’t examine you.”
"Within the four seas, all men are brothers" Shuihu Zhuan

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sticky-runes
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Re: Suikoden jokes

Postby sticky-runes » Sun Sep 28, 2014 1:50 pm

What's about 8 inches long, with plenty of meat, and gets women all hot and steamy?

Hai Yo's Fried Tacos.


What's big and black with a massive helmet, and gets me all hard?

Pesmerga casting the Clay Guardian spell.


You lot thought I was gonna something disgusting didn't you.

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BrucePrintscreen
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Re: Suikoden jokes

Postby BrucePrintscreen » Mon Sep 29, 2014 2:47 am

What's long, hard, and women don't have?

Two years of service in the Unicorn Brigade.

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Pyriel
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Re: Suikoden jokes

Postby Pyriel » Mon Sep 29, 2014 8:43 am

Too soon, dude. Too soon.

The boys didn't have two years of service either because they're all dead or technically deserters. TENZEN PASS WAS AN INSIDE JOB! Perpetrated by the puppetmasters behind the ascension and administration of the idiot-king Agares Blight, and used to give them a mandate to start a war against Jowston, and funnel billions into the pockets of their wealthy, plutocratic, chicken-hawk donors.

suiko2fan2
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Re: Suikoden jokes

Postby suiko2fan2 » Tue Sep 30, 2014 1:33 am

Pyriel wrote:Too soon, dude. Too soon.

The boys didn't have two years of service either because they're all dead or technically deserters. TENZEN PASS WAS AN INSIDE JOB! Perpetrated by the puppetmasters behind the ascension and administration of the idiot-king Agares Blight, and used to give them a mandate to start a war against Jowston, and funnel billions into the pockets of their wealthy, plutocratic, chicken-hawk donors.


You shouldn't have been listening to Fox News while you wrote that reply Pyriel :P
I will establish one mighty nation in this land... a single, powerful nation, born of force and wielding force... that's the one and only way of freeing this land from war.

Unleashing True Runes
https://youtu.be/Q7Ry1WmNMNg

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BrucePrintscreen
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Re: Suikoden jokes

Postby BrucePrintscreen » Tue Sep 30, 2014 1:54 am

FOX News recently announced that Jowstone citizens living in Highland were about to commit random acts of violence such as cutting the throats of Highlanders in the street or casting Explosion over themselves in the middle of L'Renouille. Meanwhile, Prince Luca has declared "This aggression will not stand" and plans the counterstrike over Muse, which he calls "Operation Dunan Storm".

Wolkendrache
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Re: Suikoden jokes

Postby Wolkendrache » Tue Sep 30, 2014 4:13 am

The daughter of the ambassador of Highland in Muse came back and reported that Jowston soldiers entered the hospitals took babies of Highland origins out of the incubators and smashed them to the ground. The Highland population was shocked and approved the retaliatory strike on Jowston.
"Within the four seas, all men are brothers" Shuihu Zhuan

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Winterswhite
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Re: Suikoden jokes

Postby Winterswhite » Tue Sep 30, 2014 11:11 pm

What would a Suikoden nerd say to an attractive woman?

"Can I have an adult conversation with you?"

Wolkendrache
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Re: Suikoden jokes

Postby Wolkendrache » Wed Oct 15, 2014 3:45 pm

Article from the Dunan Press:
“Our valiant leader Teresa Wisemail won this year’s Jowston marathon duel against president Lepant of the Toran Republic with nearly half an hour advantage!”

Article from the Toran Press:
“At this year’s marathon, our brave president Lepant got an amazing second place! Dunan leader Teresa Wisemail ranked next to last.”
"Within the four seas, all men are brothers" Shuihu Zhuan

Wolkendrache
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Re: Suikoden jokes

Postby Wolkendrache » Sun Jan 11, 2015 8:00 am

Consequences of Pesmerga’s abysmal sense of Evil

It happened a day before the meeting in which the attack on Matilda was planned. The Tablet of Stars was complete, and Riou had nothing else to do, so he went to Hai Yo’s restaurant with Nanami and some others. They sat down at a table in a corner and waited for their meal, when…
Nanami: “What’s that?!”
Riou: “What do you mean?”
Nanami: “That glow in the corner.”
Now Riou saw it too. It was a faint but scary glow of a somehow dim black light in the corner. Riou and his friends jumped up and rushed some steps away from the corner. Bold brave Shiro however rushed to the corner and barked at the glow.
Nanami: “What could it be?”
Riou: “Maybe it’s that magician Leknaat. Luc should be able to sense her. Stallion, go get Luc!”
Stallion disappeared, leaving behind a small dust cloud at the spot where he was standing. He was back before it dissolved. After a short while Luc came teleporting in.
Luc: “I’m busy standing at the tablet, so what’s the matter?”
Riou: “Luc, do you sense Leknaat in this room?”
Luc: “If you’re talking about that glow… no, it’s not Leknaat. Moreover she would only appear with a beautiful bright light.”
Viktor: “Oh man, don’t tell me it’s that f###ing a##hole vampire again…”
Riou: “Since it’s a dark light… Sierra should be able to sense Neclord. Stallion, go get Sierra!”
Stallion disappeared and reappeared again. After a short while a white bat came flying through a window and turned into Sierra.
Riou: “Sierra, do you sense Neclord in that corner?”
Sierra: “You mean that dark glow. It’s not Neclord. Without the Blue Moon Rune, he wouldn’t be much of a threat anyway. Am I right, Night Rune?”
Star Dragon Sword: “Yes, lady Sierra!”
Viktor: “Why didn’t you tell us then, you rusty moron?”
Star Dragon Sword: “You didn’t ask, bear. If you’d asked me, I would’ve told you that it could be that Yuber.”
Riou: “I see. Pesmerga should be able to sense Yuber. Stallion, go get Pesmerga!”
Stallion disappeared and reappeared again. After a short while Pesmerga showed up.
Riou: “Pesmerga, is that Yuber in the corner?”
Pesmerga unsheathed his sword, ran at the corner and performed a powerful slash. Silence.
Pesmerga: “No, it was just a dog barking at the corner.”

As a result, Shiro lost his head and Kinnison left the army; Riou missed out on the Forgiver Sign and his sister Nanami died. Everyone hated Pesmerga, and the story spread over the whole northern continent, so when Yuber reappeared in the Grasslands 15 years later, Pesmerga didn’t dare join the opposing army.

In case you wonder about the glow in the corner, here’s the story behind it: Whenever the restaurant was closed at night, Sheena sneaked into that room to gouge a hole into the floor at the corner, hoping to finally throw a glance at the bathing women one floor below. This took him weeks, but when he saw only men bathing, he realized he made a miscalculation and abandoned his project in frustration. However, the glow would only appear if 6 hex dolls are placed into the bathhouse.
"Within the four seas, all men are brothers" Shuihu Zhuan

Wolkendrache
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Re: Suikoden jokes

Postby Wolkendrache » Wed Feb 04, 2015 11:04 am

When Kyle tried to enter the bathhouse he was told by Miroon to stop. Kyle stopped directly in front of the door.
Miroon: “Today is family day. Only families may enter. The only exception is Lyon who was granted permission on request by the prince. And since that family from Raftfleet is in there as well, the bathhouse is full anyway.”
Kyle didn’t move and speak at all.
Miroon: “Hello?! What’s wrong with you?”
Kyle was too focused on gaping through the horizontal slit between two planks of the wooden door to the bathhouse…

( . )( . ) (. )( .) \#.##.#/ ||||| ( . )( . ) \ . . / | . . |
"Within the four seas, all men are brothers" Shuihu Zhuan


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