Old Books Update

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Wolkendrache
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Old Books Update

Postby Wolkendrache » Thu Aug 07, 2014 7:08 pm

Old Book Vol. 1 „Antique List“

Dial Plate Telephone 10$
Boombox 20$
PSone 100$
Toy Train Set 1000$
Plastic Bonsai 20$
Cannabis Sativa 100$
Abraham Lincoln Bobblehead 20$
Inflatable Doll 200$
Peeing Bieber 2000$
Madonna Wax Sculpture 20000$
Statuette of Liberty (made in China)200$
Spring Temple Buddha Statuette 2000$
Cat Photograph 1$
Obama Fan Poster 10$
Marylin Monroe Painting 1000$
Mona Lisa Rare Drop from Louvre Chief Guard
"Within the four seas, all men are brothers" Shuihu Zhuan

Wolkendrache
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Re: Old Books Update

Postby Wolkendrache » Thu Aug 07, 2014 7:09 pm

Old Book Vol. 2 „The Sindar Curse“

Every Sindar bears two runes: one fragment of a cursed true rune, and one personal rune. The true rune is cursed, forcing the Sindar to always bring joy to humans.

When they arrived at the new world, they had to face the hostility of the local humans. In the course of time, many Sindar were declared terrorists and killed. Among the victims were their leader, Jesus, whose personal rune was a healing rune. From then on, death among humans was an inevitable fate. Another Sindar called Cupid, who bore a love rune, was also killed, and as a result, from then on, the love of a couple rarely lasts a whole lifetime.

Many more Sindar were killed, and thus, the remainder decided to not live among humans anymore. Among the survivors are Santa Claus and Tooth Fairy, who bear gift runes, as well as Mr Sandman, who bears a dream rune. They all live in separate secret abodes.
"Within the four seas, all men are brothers" Shuihu Zhuan

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Re: Old Books Update

Postby Wolkendrache » Thu Aug 07, 2014 7:11 pm

Old Book Vol. 3 „Rare Find List“

Items you might find frequently elsewhere, but rarely or never in the places listed!
Jamaica: Fur Cape, Ski Suit
Iran: Big Mac, Statuette of Liberty
Africa: Prosperity Orb, Vegetables, Livestock, etc.
Tibet: Cruise Ship
Germany: Spices
Israel/Palestine: Friendship Orb
Iraq: Atomic Bomb
Greenland: Bikini
North Korea: Breast Implants

Items that can only be found in certain places!
USA: Aliens, True Overweight Rune
Europe: True Beer Rune
Japan: Suikogaiden 1+2
Australia: True Crocodile Hunter Rune
China: Fortune Orb
Israel: Crazed Orb
"Within the four seas, all men are brothers" Shuihu Zhuan

Wolkendrache
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Re: Old Books Update

Postby Wolkendrache » Thu Aug 07, 2014 7:12 pm

Old Book Vol. 4 „Suspicious Character List“

Bob: Last seen smoking magical herbs and playing magical music to prevent transformation.

Byakuren: According to rumors, last seen in a lake in Scotland.

Marscal Godwin: After climbing back up the social ladder in Russia under the pseudonym „Lenin“, he disappeared. Last seen as a movie actor under the pseudonym „Ben Kingsley“.

Kasim Hazil: Last seen as the King of Saudi Arabia.

Sergei: Last seen in a business suit near a building project called „Kingdom Tower“ in Saudi Arabia.

Warlock: Invented rune cannons and later regretted it. Killed by fanatics, but reborn many years later due to his magical powers. Hid his face behind several layers of make-up, and became a general under the pseudonym „Milich Oppenheimer“. He invented another weapon of mass destruction called „poisonous pollen“ and later regretted it. After being reborn again, he changed his pseudonym’s first name to „Robert“ and invented yet another weapon of mass destruction. In fact, he became known as „father of the atom bomb“. Current whereabouts unknown.

Hauser: After the war in Dunan, he got bitten by Sierra and turned into a vampire. Many years later he applied for a role in a vampire movie trilogy and got the job.

Leon Silverberg: Last seen in front of the Pentagon. A few weeks later, the US invaded Iraq in search for the weapons that Warlock invented, but didn’t find any.

Stallion: Last seen in a Jamaican police station, making a charge against a person unknown who allegedly stole his rune.

Viki: Last seen boarding Malaysian Airlines Flight 370.

Pesmerga: Several people met him in the middle east. He asked them about the whereabouts of „the devil“. They asked back how this devil looks like, so he told them „white skin and blonde hair“. Everyone sent him to the White House, but it’s unknown whether he ever arrived there.

Taggart: Last seen in Guantanamo Bay Naval Base.

Freed Yamamoto: Last seen as a japanese air force commander flying towards Pearl Harbor.

Varkas: Moved to Scandinavia and got a daughter whom he called „Ronia“.

Sydonia: Temporarily performed magic tricks under the pseudonym „David Copperfield“.

Kuromimi: Leads a reclusive life. Only a handful of nude photos appeared. These were all shot in North America, where people refer to him as „Bigfoot“.

Noah: Got a movie role as the female partner of Batman, then disappeared.
"Within the four seas, all men are brothers" Shuihu Zhuan

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Re: Old Books Update

Postby BrucePrintscreen » Fri Aug 08, 2014 5:54 am

Oh god :D this deserves a lot of love, Wolkendrache!!

Wolkendrache
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Re: Old Books Update

Postby Wolkendrache » Sat Aug 09, 2014 6:04 pm

Thanks dude ;-)

The next volume will introduce some of the new characters...
"Within the four seas, all men are brothers" Shuihu Zhuan

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Re: Old Books Update

Postby Wolkendrache » Sun Aug 10, 2014 5:29 am

Old Book Vol. 5 „Unite Attack List“

Beat’em’up Attack
Tyson, Holyfield

Buddy Attack
Dennis Rodman, Schtolteheim Kim III of N. Korea

Copycat Attack
Madonna, Lady Gaga

Couple Attack
Brad, Angelina

Dad-Daughter Attack
Steven Tyler, Liv Tyler

Double Party Leader Attack
Stalin, Mao Zedong

Island Storm
Guevara, Castro

Master Pupil Attack
Jackie Chan, Jaden Smith

Puke Attack
Bieber, Lady Gaga

Lord and Vassals Attack
Obama, Merkel, David Cameron

Martial Arts Attack
Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan, Jet Li

Pretty Boy Attack
Bieber, Lerman, Hutcherson

Shining Scalp Attack
Vin Diesel, Bruce Willis, Air Jordan

Terrorist Attack (formerly: Peace Activist Attack)
Gandhi, Mandela, Martin Luther King

Whistleblow Attack
Snowden, Ellsberg, Manning

Family Attack
Will, Jada, Jaden, Willow

Milf Attack
Monica Bellucci, Halle Berry, Liz Hurley, Salma Hayek

True Beauty Attack
Natalie Portman, Evangeline, Freida Pinto, Scarlett

True Hobbit Attack
Elijah Wood, Tom Cruise, Jack Black, Danny DeVito

Most Hated‘s Finest
Obama, Putin, Bieber, Bush Jr, Schtolteheim Kim III of N. Korea
"Within the four seas, all men are brothers" Shuihu Zhuan

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Re: Old Books Update

Postby sticky-runes » Sun Aug 10, 2014 6:05 am

You've won the internet. Especially with Copycat, Dad-Daughter and MILF attack.:lol:

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Re: Old Books Update

Postby Wolkendrache » Mon Aug 11, 2014 4:34 am

Old Book Vol. 6 „True Runes“

Currently or recently active true runes:

Beast Rune
A true rune representing animalistic rage and passion. Former owners: Blight family, Hitler. Current owner: Netanjahu

Circle Rune
A true rune representing order and stagnation. Has the power to stall the progress of entire kingdoms. Former owners: Hikusaak, Mao Zedong. Current owner: Schtolteheim Kim III of N. Korea.

Drone Rune
A true rune formerly known as Dragon Rune. Allows drones to exist in this world, and allows its bearer to control them. Former owners: Joshua Levenheit, Milia. Current Owner: Obama.

Fling Rune
A true rune representing desire and infidelity. Forces its bearer to commit adulterous or unfaithful acts. This Rune changes its bearer most frequently, mostly several times per day, so even the rune itself isn’t loyal. Prominent former owners: Prince Charles, Bill Clinton, Tiger Woods, etc.

Growth Rune
A true rune representing diligence and development. Related to the Circle Rune. Has the power to make a kingdom flourish, but it always ends with the downfall, because there is nothing that can grow forever. Current owner: Xi Jinping.

True Hunter Rune
A true rune representing love of animals and courage. Grants its bearer the ability to catch wild animals with curiosity and joy, but also prevents him/her from killing them. Last owner: Steve Irwin aka the Crocodile Hunter.

True Mask Rune
A true rune representing charisma and deception. The bearer gains the affection of the people he/she is talking to, sometimes even by mere appearance. But if the rune gains control, it turns the bearer to a liar, forcing him/her to make promises he/she could never keep. Current owner: Obama.

True Overweight Rune
A true rune representing hunger and repletion. If the bearer is generous, it will satisfy hunger, but if he/she is greedy, it has the power to overfill people, causing immobility and disease. Current owner: Ronald McDonald.
"Within the four seas, all men are brothers" Shuihu Zhuan

Wolkendrache
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Re: Old Books Update

Postby Wolkendrache » Tue Aug 12, 2014 5:26 am

Old Book Vol. 7 „Weapon Name Changes List“

Excerpt:

Adam Sandler
Bronze Raspberry – Silver Raspberry – Golden Raspberry

Bieber
Unplugged – Microphone – Megaphone

Brad Pitt
Gwyneth – Jennifer – Angelina

Jim Carrey
Dumb – Dumber – Dumbest

Merkel
Obama –Obama 2 –Obama 3

Mike Tyson
Straight Right – Left Hook – Bite

Nestle
George Clooney – Water Privatization – Oxygen Privatization

Obama
Targeted Killing – Invasion – Apocalypse

Osama
Carpet Cutter – Scimitar – Explosive Belt

Pope
Crutch – Wheelchair – Coffin

Ronald McDonald
Overweight – Obesity – Heart Attack

Schtolteheim Kim III of N. Korea
Joke – Warning – Threat

Schwarzenegger
Conan – Terminator – Governor
"Within the four seas, all men are brothers" Shuihu Zhuan

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Re: Old Books Update

Postby Antimatzist » Tue Aug 12, 2014 5:30 am

Jim Carrey
Dumb – Dumber – Dumberer

Fixed this - even though Carrey didn't play in this really bad movie.

Nice lists :D

Wolkendrache
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Re: Old Books Update

Postby Wolkendrache » Tue Aug 12, 2014 6:12 am

Thanks!
Actually I didn't know about that one :o

Ideas for improvement or additions are very welcome!

The cat photograph is supposed to be the equivalent of a graffiti ("failure" painting). I was thinking, instead of offending a minority of cat owners, I should rather offend all of us and change it to "Selfie". :twisted:
"Within the four seas, all men are brothers" Shuihu Zhuan

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Re: Old Books Update

Postby Wolkendrache » Wed Aug 13, 2014 4:26 am

Old Book Vol. 8 „Columbo’s Investigations“

Excerpt:

Lady Gaga
1) Age: 28 Profession: Artist
2) "Why is she wearing frogs and bacon slices?"
3) "No, she’s female."

Evangeline Lilly
1) Age: 35 Profession: Actress
2) "She can’t fool me. I can see she’s hiding a secret behind her cute smile…"
3) "What?! She’s an elf! And her real name is Tauriel!"

Angelina Jolie
1) Age: 39 Profession: Mom
2) "It is said she stole her husband from another woman *yawn*"
3) "Every other child claims to be hers. How many children does she have?!"

Bieber
1) Age: approximately 13 Profession: Singer
2) "He threw eggs at me and cursed me. After a conversation with his management he apologized in public."
3) "He sang a compensation song for me. We puked simultaneously."

Merkel
1) Age: 60 Profession: Vassal
2) "Obama gave her a birthday present: a brand-new mobile phone. She was very happy."
3) "For some reason there was silence between them, but few days later, everything was fine again."

Obama
1)Age: 53 Profession: Actor
2) "He’s the only Nobel Peace Prize winner publicly nicknamed mass murderer, did you know that?"
3) "He has someone to dress him, another one to write his speeches, and probably one to wipe his ass."

Bruce Lee
1) Age: 73 Profession: Martial Arts Grandmaster
2) "He claims to master all styles and to even outclass ancient grandmasters like Kai and Long Chan Chan."
3) "He told me fighting is not about hitting hard. I said 'really'? He gave me a kick in the nuts and said 'it’s about hitting first'."

Jackie Chan
1) Age: 60 Profession: Martial Arts Grandmaster
2) "He says his instructors were Bruce Lee and Charlie Chaplin."
3) "He told me fighting is not about hitting hard. I tried to kick his balls, but he evaded, counter-kicked my balls, and said 'it’s about hitting back hard'."

Dalai Lama
1)Age: ? Profession: High Priest
2) "He claims to have played Chinchirorin with Hikusaak. How old is he?"
3) "He is smiling even when asleep. How creepy!"

Tom Cruise
1) Age: 52 Profession: Actor
2) "He is wearing magical shoes that make him a foot taller."
3) "When I interviewed him, he suddenly began jumping on his couch for some reason."
"Within the four seas, all men are brothers" Shuihu Zhuan

Wolkendrache
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Re: Old Books Update

Postby Wolkendrache » Thu Aug 14, 2014 5:01 am

Old Book Vol. 9 „Status Guide“

Balloon
Effect: A balloon is attached to the character's head. Three balloons will remove the character from battle.
Inflicted by: Ronald McDonald, Clowns

Bitchy
Effect: Cannot participate in Unite attacks
Inflicted by: Scolding, bitchslap
Cured by: Kiss, hug, money

Brainwashed
Effect: Victim cannot attack the person who inflicted it
Inflicted by: Fake reporter
Avoided by: Earplugs

Burnout
Effect: Lose HP with each turn in battle and with every step on the map
Inflicted by: Overtime battles
Cured by: Resting, sex

Drunk
Effect: Movements are chosen at random
Inflicted by: Beer, Sake, etc.

Exhausted
Effect: Cannot attack or use magic for 1 turn.
Inflicted by: Some command runes, some unite attacks, sex

Randy
Effect: Cannot take any action in battle
Inflicted by: Characters with high attractiveness stat
Cured by: Characters with low attractiveness stat, sex

Sick
Effect: Victim feels like throwing up, attack strength reduced by 50%
Inflicted by: Bieber songs, characters with low attractiveness stat
Cured by: Cannabis

Stoned
Effect: Become invincible to opponents, but cannot move or act
Inflicted by: Cannabis
"Within the four seas, all men are brothers" Shuihu Zhuan

Wolkendrache
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Re: Old Books Update

Postby Wolkendrache » Fri Aug 15, 2014 12:28 pm

Old Book Vol. 10 „Miscellaneous“

War Battle Quotes

Schwarzenegger
Attack: „Tshaaaartsh!“
Retreat: „I’ll be back!“
Death: „Hasta la vista, baby…“

Lady Gaga
Attack: „No, you can’t read my pokerface!“
Retreat: „Sorry, there’s someone on the telephone.“
Death: „Born this way, died this way…“

Obama
Attack: „Yes we can!“
Retreat: „Yes we could!“
Death: „Yes you can!“

Leonardo DC
Attack: „I’m the king of the world!!!“
Retreat: „Catch me if you can!“
Death: „No… not without an Osc…“

Secret Scenes/Conversations
- After you’ve given her administrative instructions, and she asks if there’s anything else you need, answer „Ooops, I think my pen fell down“ to Monica Lewinski.
-When Orlando Bloom and Evangeline Lilly offer to join you, answer „No thanks, you’re not supposed to be in this game.“ (they’ll join anyway)
-When the envoy arrives with the peace-offering, select „This is Sparta!!!!!!!!“

Secrets
- If you beat the 2 optional dungeons FED and IMF, you’ll get an item called „dollar monopol“. This will halve the prizes in all stores. Alternatively, you can destroy it in Mount Doom. This will make all stores offer a wider variety of items, including higher quality items.
- If you clear the optional dungeon Wall Street from all snowbirds and other monsters, you’ll receive a Prosperity Orb.
- Without Obama in your group, enter his office in the White House. Next to the glass cabinet containing the head of Saddam, there’s a small cupboard. Examine it to get the „Kill List“. Bring it to Assange, then rest at an inn. Now you need to find the town in Middle East or Africa you just saved. A child will give you a fortune piece. Note: You can do this once per week.
"Within the four seas, all men are brothers" Shuihu Zhuan


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