An Imperfect Union: A Story of the Higheast Rebellion

[SuikoLove]

Hello,

I'm beginning work on a fanfiction story focusing on the run-up to the Higheast Rebellion. I've noticed that a lot of Suikoden fans (myself included) like to speculate about this time period, since it is an established event in the canon history but one that Konami hasn't offered too many details about. I've seen several other authors tackle the Higheast Rebellion in some form in their stories, and decided that I'd give it a shot as well.

I'll post the link here in case anyone is interested in reading:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8306753/1/A ... fect_Union

There will be a number of different characters and perspectives covered throughout the course of the story, but this first chapter mainly focuses on Klaus & Boris. I always liked how Kiba & Ridley became friends by the end of Suikoden II, even though they were at one point directly opposed to each other, so I thought that their sons might work together as well.

Thanks for your time!

[TMan]

Your diction is very impressive. You can turn a word in a way that made me want to keep reading. Your voice is a fine blend of casual and formal. Nothing stuck out as being too detailed.

One major problem I was having while reading was the exposition of it. We start with several long paragraphs of exposition- back story about the castle- which is important, but not absolutely necessary at the beginning. You might want to try and introduce these facts through conversation rather than through the narration.

Also, it would be nice to see what these characters are wearing. Where is the guard? How many rooms did Boris walk through to reach Klaus? What kind of sword is Boris handing off? I need some more mental pictures.

Overall, I love the feeling from this. You have captured the politicking and intrigue that is such a vital part of the Suikoden universe. You've touched on some nice chemistry between Boris and Klaus, and it would be interesting to see that develop. Anyway, if you write more, I'll be happy to read it!